So it looks like Operation: Hungry Hungry Hippos is not going to be a thing. Despite it being one of those most out there and interesting ideas in the history of professional wrestling
My guess is that Clay Colton isn't feeling up to snuff with his pachyderm gobbling skills and that after spending two weeks not bathing and apparently squatting in some shit-filled warren in the greater New Jersey area, Cameron MacNichol is liable to confuse the marbles for candy and stuff them into his mouth, choking and turning almost as blue as I am in the middle of the ring.
And y'all have to admit it's a good idea. Because I'm not stupid. He who forgets the past is doomed to repeat it and all that. I've seen enough pro wrestling to read between the lines and see where this is going to end up.
Willow Wilkes isn't wrestling. Cindy Todd isn't wrestling. Mogui never fucking wrestles in the first place. New Eden's got the World Title back in their possession but they were made to look like fools after they got run off from Paranoia.
So the image the folks at home got to wrap up the show, the freshest thing in their minds coming out of Paranoia, was New Eden running like a bunch of scalded doges. So fear. Such terrify. Very frighten. Much coward. Wow.
Wow, amazing, isn't it? Once again I've defeated the goober the Shadow Cartel has sent to put an end to me, I've shrugged off damage that would put a normal person in the hospital, and yet again Jason King and Willow Wilkes have a title match and have to be wrapped in bubble wrap and put up on a high shelf for a month so they don't shatter and explode into a million bajillion pieces.
What the fuck.
Seriously.
Once again we've got the champ and the ex-champ doing fuck all in the ring after a big show, and not merely a big show! This is, supposedly, the biggest show of the year! I would think that it would be Booking for Babby 101 level shit here to have the people involved at your PPV main event actually wrestling on the very next show, to capitalize on that hotness.
But no, this is Raymond the Fart we're talking about here. Ray Ray the Methane Powered Jet Plane who decided to stack Paranoia from top to bottom with part timers. I don't see Dante around here wrestling matches after his fucking with every main event match for the span of months. I don't see Cindy Todd skipping around a ring. I don't see the pasty face of Silencer the Evil Mime looming over the children in the crowd, taking their candy, and terrifying them. Hell, Lethal Weapon shot me in the motherfucking face and not only did I win my match, but I'm here to take ass and kick names, while he's fucked off back to the Weapon Cave to plot his next assassination attempt from a client in Gotham City.
Hell, of all the champions ULW has, we've got all of one of them wrestling on this show! Clay fucking Colton is the only champ not made of ceramic bits held together by Elmer's glue. Willow isn't wrestling, Gracie isn't wrestling, Mason isn't wrestling.
Isn't it strange that one show after Paranoia there are exactly three people who have been with this company for more than two months actually wrestling on it? Doesn't it seem a touch odd that we've all been crammed into the same match?
Gee, it's almost like when you try and cram in as many wrestling old timers to try and artificially inflate your ratings and buyrates for one night of the year, everything else suffers. Amazing how that works, that when you spent your time focusing on part time wrestlers and coddling your own little pet projects the show suffers.
