You know what the worst part of my job is?
Well, aside from having to deal with egomaniacal shitweasels all day.
Let me try that again, d'ya know what the second worst part of my job is?
Besides all the politicking and institutional racism.
Dammit. Try that again from the top.
D'ya know what the third or fourth worst part of being a professional wrestler is?
Well, probably all the travel and being on the road 300 days a year and not being able to see your family unless you drag them along skipping merrily along the whole jet lagging way.
Okay now. Do you know what one of the worst parts of being an exquisite grapple-master is?
It's that a significant portion of people think you're a fucking idiot. Some are that way because they think there's a slider that has physical development on one side and mental development on the other, so if you're an athlete than you're also a barely functional, drooling moron who can't be trusted to put their singlet on with the correct side facing forward.
LiveWireWrestling.com Exclusive!
The Secret Origins of Kalinda Kriegsdottir
Part Two of Several
By Kalinda Kriegsdottir
There really isn't any experience better than a mutual slaughtering of an army of the undead to really bring two people together. Take two random folks off the street from whatever walks of life, give them an armory to raid, and then sick a rampaging horde of cannibalistic corpses on them.
Religion, social class, wealth, politics, sexual orientation. Not going to matter. You give Richard Simmons and Jerry Falwell some motorcycle leathers, shotguns, and a rabid, decaying mass of churchgoers in their Sunday best and somehow they're going to end up pals after having discovered a mutual fondness for being spanked with a cat o nine tails and wearing assless chaps.
You bring together two people who are already close to one another, and you can ignite the relationship into something new. A little spark to ignite the fusion of two souls into a gestalt, a whole greater than the sum of its parts. That happened to me and to my best friend in the whole wide world, Delilah.
If there's one thing you can say about elves, its that depictions of them are inconsistent. Are they tall, are they short, are they mortal, are the spirits, are they magic, are they mundane? But where I come from the three best words to describe an elf are smug, magical, and feminine.
Androgynous is a term thrown around to describe elves in a number of places; ethereal, transcendent beauty beyond the mere constraints of binary gender. Unless you're a Dungeon and Dragons character artist, then they all look like a transitioning Ross Noble three months into his-her hormone replacement therapy.
LiveWireWrestling.com Exclusive!
The Secret Origins of Kalinda Kriegsdottir
Part One of God Knows How Many
By Kalinda Kriegsdottir
I get asked stupid questions all the time on Twitter. Am I a real dragon? How long do I have to sit in the chair to put the blue makeup on? How the heck does the whole prosthetic tail thing work, is there a remote control? Magic isn't real, I am dumb. That's not a question.
And then there are the fedora-wearing diaper babies with no social skills, an entitlement complex, and absolutely zero misogynistic intentions (no he-man woman haters here, nosiree!) that think watching women wrestle is gay and that I shouldn't fight guys. So they can get back to their totes heterosexual watching of oiled up dudes in underpants writhe against one another and swap sweat.
That last one was totally not a question either, @BongPrinceBlazeIt420SmokeWeedE'eryDay.
The dumbest man and woman in professional wrestling today.
That is what I called Clarence Whitman and Taylor Chase four days ago. But I didn't say it here. I said it in ULW. I said a lot of things in ULW. I said a lot of things about the IWC over in ULW.
And do you know why?
Do you know why I went out of my way to vent my spleen on somebody's else's wrestling program and not here?
Because I wanted to test something. I wanted to see what would happen. I wanted to experience the fallout, the reprimand, the ass-chewing, the bitch fest from people in power. How dare I, as an active IWC employee wander off onto somebody else's show and basically pull down my employer's pants and give the IWC a verbal sodomizing right there on the airwaves and internets for all to see.
It never came.
I buried the federation less than a week removed from a big PPV, I did it in a company with an IDENTICAL market and parallel media presence. We share the same gods damned building. I can't think of ANYBODY who would be the IWC's biggest competitor and rival than ULW.
I threw down the gauntlet and announced my pending departure from the IWC four days ago. Half because I meant it, and half because I wanted to see what would happen.
The answer to that is nothing.
Nothing happened.
