Heya chat! Long time no stream.
So bad news.
I bet some of you were wondering why I dropped off of the face of the earth for a few days like I'd been abducted and murdered by some cult. Well, it's because I was abducted and murdered by some cult. And some weird girl stole all my clothes and then got murdered too.
But I somehow got better and now I have magic dragon powers. Which is good news.
But there's worse news.
Some rotten bag of dicks used by fingerprint to unlock my phone when I was knocked out/asleep/comatose/dead/in the process of transferring my immortal essence to the fallen husk of like some ancient hero or villain or monster or something from history.
And… well…
I've tried as hard as I could, but try as I might I cannot get my cute, adorable goblin avatar back. For some reason it refuses to save any change that I put in to try and change my model.
Prepare yourselves, viewers, because this is me now:
I may have futzed with the sliders a little bit, but this is honestly only a slight exaggeration. Because I've got myself a big ass tail. Like, I don't know if I'm ever going to be comfortable around a rocking chair ever again. Or crossing a gas station parking lot.
But OMG you guys, you wouldn't believe how comfy it is to sit on. It's strong enough to where I can put it on the ground and hold my entire weight in the air. Goodbye gaming chair. You will not be missed.
Then again, that could just be my new supernatural back muscles.
So yeah, I broke out of a secret society of LARPers who kidnapped me for looking into them because I thought they sounded cool and had a bad ass name. Well, no more! I'm not interested and I'm hereby revoking my membership inquiry because I attended your event and I'm pretty sure I got murdered and had my soul stuffed into some other lady's quasi-dead corpse.
So they get to be called the Dork Disciplines and their evil master Lord Neckbeard, the Dork Lord of Denny's. They're like out to steal the Stanley Cup and use the dark and sinister might of Lord Stanley of Preston to grant the supposed winner of their human Pokemon Hockey tournament one of those Wishmaster monkey's paw type wishes.
Oh! I escaped with the help of some other girls (at least I think they're girls, two of them are kids and haven't had secondary sex characteristics show up yet) and they're pretty cool for the most part.
The French Lady does not get to have her render shared, because she didn't practice good trigger discipline and was waving a shotgun around while pointing it at children.
It's a good thing I stuck my finger in the barrel too, because the damned thing went off accidentally! It's a good thing I jammed my finger in there so that the bullet couldn't work, because somebody might've gotten hurt!
The white haired one has knives. A lot of knives. A worrying amount of knives, actually. I think I saw knives, throwing knives, meat cleavers, and who knows what other kind of mall ninja crap she's got stuck in what I hope is the top half of a trenchcoat she stole from her dad, but considering where we are, she probably stabbed a flasher to death and washed it off and wore the skin of her kill.
Figuratively, but also maybe literally?
She was mumbling earlier about sewing dog's teeth onto the tips of her fingers and something about a taser whip.
You know how I feel about fantasy games and playing bloodlines that are just slightly funny looking humans, but the dual-wielding Halfling Rogue is kind of classic archetype, so I'll let it go.
But a bland as hell human gunner? Excuse me Ms. Eiffel Tower, but guns totally don't belong in the fantasy genre. We have a blond dragoness that throws spears, a platinum blonde halfling that throws daggers, and a blonde Baby Kerrigan that uh… also throws daggers.
I'm pretty sure that Paladins originated in France with Charles the Mangy and I love a good boomstick as much as anybody, but seriously? You couldn't throw pointy bits of metal also while being blonde to keep the theme we've got going?
She also had a panic attack and turned down my generic Benadryl to help calm her down as an off-label use because they weren't her usual French brand.
Oh! I know why she's been ignoring me. I've been calling her French the whole time, how silly of me!
With Princess Shrimp For a Butt here, who is from some ancient order of hockey referees or something, clinging to the Stanley Sippy Cup, she's probably French-Canadian!
Geez, I know I said that we may have been in Hell, Michigan (turns out we weren't!) but Quebec would be like hopping down from Hell into Turbo-Hell.
Oh. I should ask the referee-nun more things about her cleric magic. She was talking about faeries and spirits and stuff and banishing them and I've always wondered if you can direct where spirits go.
I want to see some ghosts exorcised and sent to New Jersey.
Anyway, I've got new and cool magic powers and like a proper dragon I've got my own cavern and a place to store my hoard. Which, at the moment, consists of my phone, my spear, possibly my armor if I can find some clothes to wear after I take it off that will work with my tail, and also the corpse of the referee-nun girl that she was occupying before she got Zerg-infested. She doesn't have stabby back limbs yet, just a chitinous tail and some scales. But I didn't have wings when I woke up either. I'll put them away eventually, but I'm having a blast flying around my secret lair.
Hopefully Princess Shrimp-For-A-Butt (that's an Earthworm Jim reference!) unlocks her list of mutations and evolutions soon and can get some cool buglizard bits. I hope she doesn't evolve into a Baneling, Chat. That would suck.
I have no idea how to clean loli goop out of armor.
But seriously! A Zerg Princess! She emerged from a chrysalis in a surge of psionic energy and everything!
Anyway! I hope that helps explain where I've been and why I'm not going to be streaming for the near future.
Don't know when I'm going to be able to connect to the internets and post this. 'Cause it's probably not a good idea to flap around in the middle of the night to try and find open wifi on an open network labelled Come_Into_My_Basement_I_Have_Popsicles_And_Also_Like_Seventy_Bajillion_Bits_of_Malware_and_Also_Bonzai_Buddy after I just escaped from a cult of evil neckbeards.
Oh my gosh.
The sparkledogs we fought earlier, me and the Princess being part dragon…
We're some kind of ultra-rich furry's mad science and pissed magic experiments!
Oh no!
That means that I'm going to have to stay off the internet and not post this because Lord Odiferous van der Neckbeard (My Polder-Sense was tingling the entire time I was inside the Dork Order's compound, so he must be Dutch!) likely has a cabal of evil furry IT technicians (putting Furry before IT Technician is technically redundant) scouring the series of tubes for my presence now that I've escaped.
We'll see if I can use a disposable e-mail client to get this to my webmonarch who I know for a fact is beyond seven firewalls and ought to be safe, as I only had the six of them up when I went looking into the Legion of Super Zeros.
Anyway! Tootles, Chat!
See ya when I see ya!
Love,
-Veda
