Fate/Phantom Soul Session 8-14: Wayne Gretzky and the Tongue of Ron Francis

Heya, Chat!

Long time no see!

We've settled down in New Zealand at Wayne Gretsky's manor, and we're investigating some new Mascot-related nonsense.
 

And also some non-Mascot-related nonsense.

 

 

 

Yeah.

Fate/Phantom Soul Session 7: Veda and Mocking the Germans

 Heya once again, Chat!

Guess what? I'm full of even more crimes than I thought! I'm already a crime against nature, and a crime against good taste, but it turns out that I've also got proper crime crimes inside me. And not just media and software piracy.

It looks like I can forge IDs with the best of them. Give me a bunch of gel pens and I'm like a gosh-darned inkjet printer.

Thus we're smuggling ourselves out of New Zealand via Loch Ness Monster. Yeah, suck it Army of Dorkness, you'll never figure out how we're going to get to where we're going and what method we used to get there.

So you'll never guess what happened, Chat!

Fate/Phantom Soul Session 6: Veda and the Albino What No You Can't Call Them All Homunculi That's Racist Stabby Junior!

Hello once more, chat!

Even though I'm not live streaming and thus you're not technically chat anymore, you guys will always be chat in my heart. Or possibly hearts. I don't know dragon anatomy, so they might have multiple redundant organ systems, which is why I'm so hard to kill.

So we've officially added Person Stuffed Into a Magic Blonde White Girl number… uh… Ms. France, Wayne and Dwayne Gretsky, Princess Shrimp-For-A-Butt, Stabby Junior, New New Girl, and me… eight to our roster.

And this one isn't a mascot this time! So the Princess managed to feel the battle we had with the endoskeletons and rushed back to find us and accidentally managed to trip over another person who got Mascot Suit'ed like the rest of us. Only this time it's not a Mascot, but rather a coach for the whole Pokemon Gym Battle thing.

And of course the first thing the Princess does when unsupervised (after stuffing her face at Das Strööpwaffel) is run into an artificial creature that is pure white with red eyes and enter into a Ć̶̪̯̲͊͑̆̔̀͆̈͑̎̀́̐̕O̶̡̹͖̣̞̭̦͍͍͓͍̼͇̤̔̈́̀̿̽Ņ̸͙̙̬̄̈́̈́͘Ţ̷̝̦̜̼̱͎̱̠̮͖̼́͜ͅR̸͓̺̟̝̲͉̻͎̤͛̂̔͛̅̅̐̾̒͛̂̚͝͝͝ͅA̷̡̧͙͔̖͈̭̔̕C̵͈̯̠̗͕͎̥̙̮͙̼̤̓͒ͅT̷̢̨̢̛̥̬͐̽̓͐̈͛̋̔̃̂̍͊̿͝.  So the New New New Girl gets to be called Kyubei.

Fate/Phantom Soul Session 5: Veda and the Attack of the Gainaxing Automatons

Well, chat, after that emotionally fraught and emotional update with the last one I come to you with a minor add on.

We are once more on the run again! After talking to the church and having Princess Shrimp-For-A-Butt wander off to a brunch date with the New New Girl at Das Strööpwaffel, we had a bunch of robots march their lanky, long-armed asses through the woods looking for us.

Like… I suppose that they might have been there for benevolent purposes. But having nearly a dozen arcane robo-assassins marching through the woods when… you know… we're not supposed to talk about magic and are supposed to refer to it as hockey, Pokemon, and mascots and whatnot means that somebody is not taking their part of the whole veil of secrecy seriously.

Clanky-Clank and the Clunky Bunch aren't exactly the most subtle things in existence considering the ones we say looked like an assortment of candy with Generic Jawbreaker White, Classic Lime and Definitely Not Sour Apple Because Sour Apple Sucks and I Fucking Hate You Lifesavers For Replacing Lime for a Shitty Flavor Which I Hate, and also Grape.

Fate/Phantom Soul Session 4: Veda and the HP Lovecraft If You Know What I Mean

Hey chat!

It's been a bit and I've got more to talk about.

Not only do we have New New Girl (who is very definitely not a witch), but we also have New Girl's evil twin. Technically they're not related (Thyra I'm sure would've mentioned having a sister who has been missing for months), but they're actually somehow the same person, or variations of the same person.

Umm… I guess they're different versions of Wayne Gretzky that… I dunno? Play in different positions or something? Despite being so close to Canada by way of Minnesota, I'm not really much of one for hockey. Though it does not have a ball, it's still one of those Sportsball things that I don't have any real interest in.

Except maybe that one NES Ice Hockey RPG that I can't remember the name of, where you go from town to town playing big teams and get into random encounters with minor league teams in short games.

[VK note: Oh wow, apparently the game I'm thinking of never actually got released. Hit the Ice never made it onto the NES, even though it was developed enough to where I read about the RPG mode in Nintendo Power 30-some years ago. Magi meddling apparently made it a thing in the FATE verse, what with the "Stanley Cup" being a thing and all. Veda deserves to be able to play it after all we put her through and will put her through.]

Fate/Phantom Soul Session 2+3: Veda and the Curse of Luigi Spaghetti

 

Hello once again chat!

So it seems like our merry band of two normal people and two wizards from a secret society of wizards (who I hope are not associated with the Moldyshorts, the Dark Lady of TERF What Lives In a Black Mold-Infested Castle's secret society of wizards) has expanded!

Joining Ms. French, Stabby Junior, Princess Shrimp-For-A-Butt and myself is another wizard lady that got stuffed into a… hmm… well, considering we have two dragons and a Zergling, let's try and keep to that wizard secret society nomenclature-avoiding type thing and say she got stuffed into a mascot costume.

Very Five Nights at Freddy's, what with all the corpses lying around but also with us still being here possessing bodies of the mystical mascots that seem to be based on folks from myth and legend.

Fate/Phantom Soul Session 1: Vritra and the Two Small Sassy Children (and also a Frenchwoman)

Heya chat! Long time no stream.

So bad news.

I bet some of you were wondering why I dropped off of the face of the earth for a few days like I'd been abducted and murdered by some cult. Well, it's because I was abducted and murdered by some cult. And some weird girl stole all my clothes and then got murdered too.

But I somehow got better and now I have magic dragon powers. Which is good news.

But there's worse news.

Thoughtlets: Final Fantasy IV's Rydia Characterization and Narrative

(Commenting on this video)

I think that Rydia's character is actually handled rather well. She's always been my favorite Final Fantasy character from the first time I played Final Fantasy IV.

Her actions in the beginning of the game echo when she returns. At the start she's a child running away from a scary man in black armor. She's lost her entire world. Her mother is gone, her town is gone, she's in the company of the man responsible for her mother's death.

Her entire world is gone. She has nothing left. For all she knows her traumatic summoning of Titan killed everyone left in the town. She very well might have killed people, in the original Mist goes from being 2 tiles wide to 1 tile wide. She literally destroyed half of her already bomb-scarred town.

The General tells Cecil to stand aside, but rather than do so and let Rydia be killed, he defends her, putting himself in danger on her behalf.

He didn't mean to kill her mother, he doesn't want forgiveness, he just wants to make things better.

So that's what Rydia does, that's who she patterns herself after. She wants to be like Cecil to defend people.

Thoughtlets: Stuff I Learned at My Writing Workshop (That I’m Kicking Myself in the Head for Not Realizing Sooner):

From Here

 Stuff I Learned at My Writing Workshop (That I’m Kicking Myself in the Head for Not Realizing Sooner):

-  The difference between a book that grabs you from the beginning vs. one that you’re on the fence about tossing out the window is winning your trust. It’s why it’s “easier” to read books by authors you already know, or fanfic where you’re familiar with the characters. Winning the reader’s trust as quickly as possible should be your first goal as a writer when you’re going back and editing your first draft. This can be accomplished by things like: speaking authoritatively about the subject (even if it’s utter bullshit), graceful prose, or establishing quickly in the story what it’s about. For example,“Character A had a problem. Character B didn’t love them back, so Character A was going to kidnap them so they would.” Maybe it’s not a story you want to read, but you are now firmly couched in what you signed up for in this story and the promise the author is going to deliver on before the end. 

Shakey's Crust and Sauce Recipe

From here

10 ounces of warm water (run the tap ‘til it feels warm – fill the measuring cup)

¾ teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon of sugar

3 tablespoons olive oil

4 cups of flour (I use bread flour – whatever I can get my hands on)

2 teaspoon active dry yeast

Desolation Titles List

 Because I don't want to lose this in case of computer crash:

Of Souls and Serpents, Pre-Tia Draft

The Goddess stared at the tiny mote of light floating in the air. She looked at the hovering, glowing panes that she had summoned to record the choices of the diminutive soul.

A series of emotions flickered through her being; confusion, wonder, respect, admiration, and just a touch of jealous indignation.

"How?" she asked, narrowing her metaphysical gaze. When one was the Goddess of Dungeons, having a Dungeon Core as your default form sounded like a perfectly good and rational idea. Not for the first time she lamented having chosen a glowing, crystalline orb set in a snake's mouth as her divine avatar.

The mote gave the glowball equivalent of a shrug, "I dunno. It's just something that seems to happen? When you create something, very often you're thick in the middle of it and can't see the forest for the trees. When you make a bunch of things over a long period of time you're not thinking of all the ways they can mesh with things you've made in the past, and cannot predict the ways they will work with things you make in the future."

VK's Pizza Adventures 6

Red Baron Thin and Cripsy Bacon Lovers 3/10
DiGiorno Bacon Me Crazy Stuffed Crust 5/10
DiGiorno Pepperoni Stuffed Crust 5.5/10
DiGiorno Pepperoni Pan Pizza 7/10

The Red Baron Thin and Crispy Bacon Lovers is not one I will be getting again. I didn't taste much in the way of bacon, most of what I tasted was smoke, I also got occasional tastes of "shitty grey pepperoni" that I'd encountered on a few other pizza brands.

3/10

---

Writing Prompt: You’ve just left the doctor’s office in the early morning to find a folded piece of paper left on the bench in the hall. Picking it up, it reads “You’ve been chosen as our next candidate, ! By touching this paper, you have agreed to accept the terms of the unbreakable contract.”

Writing Prompt: You’ve just left the doctor’s office in the early morning to find a folded piece of paper left on the bench in the hall. Picking it up, it reads “You’ve been chosen as our next candidate, <your full name>! By touching this paper, you have agreed to accept the terms of the unbreakable contract.”

---

"It's not legally binding." I protested.

The dark-robed man chuckled most sinisterly, caressing the heavy book in his hands whose heavy cover was stitched together from what looked to be human skin scraps sewn together. There was also an eyeball, which rolled at the dark sorcerer began to speak.

"Fool! Your mere caress across one of its torn out, hallowed pages legally binds you to work in the Necromantic Business Mines of the Greater Beaurucratic Empire of Bibliotopia! You have touched them, now you must abide by the Tomes of Service!"

"THE TOMES OF SERVICE! THE TOMES OF SERVICE!" a multitude of voices cried out, hooded figures emerging from the shadows.

Claudia Kajara Biography

Personal Details

Name: Von Krieger / Ron
Discord: VonKrieger#9653
Twitter: @KalindaVK

Character Details

Name: Claudia Kajara
Alias: Claudia the Clown, Some mix of the words "creepy" "clown" and "creature," That Madwoman, Pale Dragon, Painted Dragon, Kalinda Junior, Minion, Henchwoman, Herald of the Uttercold, Dark Diva, Singing Siren
Height: 6'0"

VK's Pizza Adventures 5

Outsider's Pizza, Milwaukee Style 2.25
Pizza Corner, Non-Vacuum Wrapped 7
Green Mill, Tavern Style 3.5
Real 'Za 6.75

I didn't like the Outsider's Pizza. The crust had a rather nice texture and there was enough sauce on it to be able to taste the flavor, both of which would have been points in its favor were it not for the second kind of pepperoni on this pizza.

I'm not quite sure what it is that's different, but I really did not like it. It reminded me a great deal of the flavor on the cheapo Totino's pizzas.

I have no idea what it might have been had the pizza been without them, but the second sort of pepperoni makes this one pretty close to inedible.

The only reason this is rated higher than Totino's is that it didn't fall apart on me while eating it.

2.25/10

Battle Bash #5: Iron Road, The Ghost of Stepford Suburbia

[The room is an artifact. A living fossil. A window to another time. The lime green cabinetry and rounded fridge emblazoned with a chrome symbol of a long forgotten product line, the brilliant red and chrome formica tabletop and matching chairs. The floral pattern lazy susan on the middle of the table our camera appears to be resting on with a swan-shaped sugar bowl. Everything all polished, shiny, and sparkling. It looks like the place was yanked right out of the 1950's.]

[It makes things all the more jarring when suddenly the lights go out for a moment, then when they come on again someone is sitting in the chair. Tanned, blonde hair in a pixie bob that looks cemented in place, a headband and matching floral print dress, and… oh.]

[The orange eyes and the grin that has far too many teeth, though they're white, overly large, and square instead of sharp, pointy, and/or serrated tell us that this is Claudia Kajara with a wig and a fuckton of makeup.]

[The smile, for once, doesn't reach her eyes and she seems sad and almost on the verge of tears.]

"It's not a fun time for you, is it Joe? With your contributions ignored, your hard work cast aside, and the time and effort you put in unrewarded."

[Despite the sorrow in her eyes, Claudia's voice is strangely happy and chipper.]

"That's okay. Well, you feeling that way. It's not okay to be dumped on. But it sure is a thing that's happening alright."

"Because now is not a fun time. This particular stretch of time has taken fun, wrapped it up in duct tape, stuffed it in George Clooney's bum, wrapped George Cloony up in duct tape, stuck him in a padded wooden crate and shipped him off to that warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Arc."

DTW 2nd Year Anniversary: Of Sinking and Skeletons

Two years. Two whole years of DeathTrip Wrestling, and in just a few weeks I'd be defending the DTW World Championship once again.

With the big anniversary show looming on the horizon I was putting all my focus towards that instead of my various extracurricular activities.

The Skeleton Isles were growing nicely, soaking up calcium carbonate from ancient deposits on the seafloor and transmuting that into… well… bonestone. It sounds less lewd in Dwarven, let me assure you. It's a necromantic version of marble that operates as if it were still the raw bony bits that one uses for various forms of necromancy, except sturdier.

Using the usual necromantic forging techniques the stuff ended up somewhere between steel, mythril, and adamantite instead of approximating steel like the usual sort of bones. Necromatic Dragonbone was even better, but I certainly wasn't going to find any dragons here, and none of my bones were large enough to make swords out of anyway. Armor? Forget about it. I'm still using this ribcage, thank you very much.

Thoughtlets: Better Cakes from Mix

From here

"If y’all use a decent box mix and use melted butter instead of vegetable oil, an extra egg, and milk instead of water, no one can tell the difference. I sure as hell can’t.

Also, if you add a little almond extract to vanilla cake, or a little coffee to chocolate cake, it sends it through the roof.

This concludes me attempting to be helpful. "

And this from here

Take a cake mix from a box. Betty Crocker, Pillsbury, Duncan Hines, whatever the hell is on-sale.

They usually ask for you to add in some water, some cooking oil, and egg whites.

Fuck that bullshit.

Instead, replace water with milk (or buttermilk), use butter instead of oil, and use the whole goddamn egg. Toss in some extra vanilla extract.

If you want to make it a bit spiced, add in some cinnamon/nutmeg/allspice

Want to make it gently lemony? Zest some lemon peel into the batter.

Want it extra dense and moist? Add another fucking egg, half a package of vanilla pudding powder mix, and make sure to whip that batter extra hard and long.

Welcome to rich, moist cakeland, entrance fee: $5

Enjoy impressing your friends.

---

Nice seeing this going around again!

My standard cake is box mix + milk for water + melted butter for oil + dash vanilla extract + frosting from scratch. This really seems to hit the right spot for people of “mmm, homemade” but also “exactly like Mom used to make.” (Do that for a yellow cake with chocolate buttercream frosting, add candles, and serve to a college student, for the maximum “this is exactly what I didn’t want to admit I wanted” potential.)

Seconding the addition of coffee to chocolate cake; a tablespoon of instant coffee powder in a dark chocolate cake makes it taste chocolatey-er without actually adding a perceptible coffee flavor (I don’t like coffee flavor, personally, and I still do this).

Another good option is a box lemon cake mix plus maybe 3 lemons. Zest the lemons, set the zest aside, then juice them and use that in place of the water; then use the zest to flavor the frosting. Adds a nice fresh kick.

Chocolate chips can be dumped straight into chocolate cake mix without fussing with anything to compensate. Sprinkles can go into white cake mix to make your own “confetti cake” with any specific color combo you like. Any kind of dried fruit can be chopped to raisin-size, soaked in hot water (or, better yet, hot juice with a couple of citrus peels added) for an hour, drained, and then added to batter.

Replacing part (up to maybe 1/3) of the water with yogurt (and then the rest with milk as usual) will give you a denser cake; make sure to check if it’s cooked through, and bake a little longer if necessary.

Swirling things through batter for that fancy marbled look is easy. Consider melting chocolate chips with butter, or mixing brown sugar with cinnamon and a little melted butter, or making up two different cake mixes and swirling those together.

I swear by the Cake Mix Doctor’s two cookbooks (one’s general, one’s specifically for chocolate cakes). I think every birthday cake I had as a child was out of those.

Tokyo Gore Noir #10/11, Of Repugnance and Revolution

Fuck you, Josh Kennedy.

Fuck you, Eddy Poe.

And fuck you, Masatake Kawamata.

Fuck all of you.

Fuck you with a cactus.

Fuck you like it's a chore.

But fuck Kennedy in particular.

Because you haven't been paying attention at all.

You'd have to be living in a cave in the middle of the remote American wilderness with a bag on your head, plugs in your ears, and your head up your ass to not have heard literally ANYTHING about me.

"Blah blah blah, Kalinda, you sit on the throne of DTW surrounded by everything you've ever wanted!"

And you're sitting on a motherfucking throne of lies, Kennedy.