(Ignorant Reeking Foe Part II: Meatbag Boogaloo)

(Introductory narration) Yes! That's right ladies and gentlemen, boiling ghouls, inbreds of all stages! MECHA-Kalinda is freshly victorious over hacker and astrologer Kara Star, a pathetic creature of meat and bone, running through corridors, blah blah blah.

Anyway, with all her stargazing and attempts at divination, she somehow managed to avoid seeing herself totally getting her ridiculously pale butt kicked from pillar to post.

And look, I'm one to talk head considering I'm the color of newly fallen snow. But I've got a bit of undead and faerie in me. I'm supposed to be pale, deathly, and otherworldly. Kara, though, is like mayonnaise. Eggy, glistening, full of sulfur, and prone to becoming gross and unpleasant if you leave her out in the sun for more than like fifteen minutes.

But this week! This week we...

"(Grumps)"

(Continued narration) This week we...

"(Further grumping)"

(Narration following a particularly loud raspberry) Pbbbbt. Fine. Okay, sourpuss, what's up?

(Mathematical Proof: Stars = Stench)

(Introductory narration with Auntie Claudia, the dragon-demon-faerie-undead-clown-thing. That is her scientific classification) It is! It is totally my scientific classification! Or at least it will be once there are enough weird beasties that have shown up in Kaiju Family Values show to warrant Stanton Enterprises putting out an official guide to Kaiju.

ANYWAY! I am indeed you cutie clown narrator, and we open aboard A Zeppelin Named Trouble, the floating, bulbous, villainous lair of the dread Menagerie!

"(Ominous crackle of thunder)"

(Amused narration) Thank you, MECHA-Kalinda! Thunder cracks in a most sinister fashion outside the windows of the bloated gas bag. The zeppelin, you goofs! Don't disparage Lumber Jackson like that! His mother says he's a husky boy!

Of Cowboys and Crushed Testes

Twenty four men and women, two dozen souls all coming together for one purpose: to show their skill, to show their strength, to show their determination, their will. Their capacity to soak up absolutely hellacious amounts of damage that would make lesser men and women simultaneously puke, piss, and shit themselves and shortly thereafter passing out.

Three points for a win, one point for a draw, no points for a loss. Whichever of the dozen individuals in each of the two groups scores the highest will face each other in May. The winner of that bout, having proved their mettle, will face me one on one for my DTW World Championship.

But you see, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and human cancers of all stages, I'm also here too. A wolf amongst the sheep. I'm fighting my own future competition for my champion, my title, my belt. I am the first, the ONLY DTW World Champion and in the living hell I call a career, not a single one of you has managed to defeat me cleanly in one on one combat.

I get absolutely nothing out of this tournament if I win. A pretty, shiny trophy to adorn my mantle? I don't want them. I don't need them. Years ago I might have been filled with the desire to give it all, to do my best, to win at all costs and earn myself the prestige and glory that comes with victory.

Delilah na Kinai Biography

(WIP)

Character Details
Name: Delilah na Kinai
Alias: Boltfire, Enchantress, Evil Disney Princess, Snowmew, Fluffbutt, Black Angel, Elfy
Height: 6'6" (would be 6' without digitigrade legs)
Weight: 212 pounds
Age: ?
Hometown: New Avalon
Picture Base: Custom drawings
Body Type: Tall, Curvaceous Blacksmith
Alignment (Face/Heel/Neutral): Face
Entrance Music: "A Demon's Fate" by Dragon Menagerie

VK's Pizza Adventures 4

Tombstone
Tombstone Garlic Bread Crust
Pizza Corner
Member's Mark

The tombstone is bland but has a very nice crust texture that I rather like.

The garlic bread crust involves only the tiniest smattering of garlic flavor. I could barely tell it was there.

The Pizza Corner pizza was actually pretty good, but not really enough to warrant the higher price.

The Member's Mark was actually pretty flavorful, unfortunately, it was not a flavor I particularly liked and after refrigeration, it was basically inedible.

Of the lot, I may on occasion pick up a Pizza Corner pizza.

DTW Tokyo Gore Noir #5, The Menagerie RP 1/1: Of Misandry and Matriarchy

Lightning flashes ominously through the windows of the ruined chapel, thunder rattling the remaining shards of stained glass in their frames. Dozens of large, dribbly candles illuminate the scene of three hooded and cloaked figures standing around the desecrated altar.

The former holiest of holies in the chapel has been adorned with a blue velvet cloth, adorned with gold fringe (making it an admiralty chapel according to the Sovereign Citizen movement), upon which sits a wooden box with wood so dark it's nearly black.

"Sisters of the Darkness," states the tall one. That being me, Kalinda Kriegsdottir. DTW World Champion, Dragoness, and Seducer of the Innocent. "Upon this unholy eve I call upon each of you to report on how you've sought to bring down the cisgender heteronormative patriarchy."

The camera zooms in as I pull back my hood, showing off my true demonic features, gaunt, pale, demonic, and in tribute to a certain horror movie icon wearing a bald cap and adorned with shiny silver thumbtacks.

Okay, it's not my true form, it's special effects makeup. You're ruining the ambiance. Shut the fuck up and let me get back to the scene.

DTW Tokyo Gore Noir #4,Double Dragon RP 1/1: Of PETA and Playground Bullies

Twas the night before Blood Bowl, and all through the arena, not a creature was stirring, not even Antonio Pena (who was probably looking for masked wrestlers to haunt, steal their clothes, and hand them off to somebody else). Well, okay, actually there were at least two creatures stirring.

My minion had snuck out of the hotel and had wandered off in search of mischief, and I was pretty sure I knew what kind.

Which was why I was headed towards some other, smaller creatures that were potentially stirring in the arena, though I wasn't sure.

I hadn't looked to see if the spiders, snakes, and scorpions that had been secured for one of the team tournament match semi-finals were nocturnal or not.

But I was probably going to find out as a side effect, because that was precisely where I was headed, along with my trusty cameraman.

Because as long as Claudia's on camera she can't do her horror movie monster teleport thing when I blink.

I manage to arrive just in time, or more likely Claudia has stalled for the purposes of drama and narrative convenience. I reach out and grab the haft of her mallet before she can smash open a terrarium that houses a few tarantulas.

"Can't let you do that, Star Fox." I intone.