Thoughtlets: Immortality

From Here

Human beings are often critical of immortality, based on a fear that they will eventually use up all the things to do and become eternally bored.

This is of course tremendously small-minded, as the vast infinity of the universe contains an abundance of delights, distractions and debauched enterprises. So many so that after a few thousand years of indulgence, any self-respecting immortal should have built up more than enough rose-tinted (if somewhat sticky) memories to entertain them through any degree of rainy day.

However, since many immortal humans--being humans--are likely to persist in making grand statements about the terrible burden of immortality, the solution is quite simple. Anyone who is actually bored with immortality can safely be allowed to die.

Anyone left who keeps making a fuss about it can be safely dismissed of a bit of a whiny poser who (let's hoping) will probably grow out of it in a millennium or three.

ULW Fuck'd Up Friday 16, 1/15/16, Claudia RP 1 of 1

"...and four days later employees showed up outside the Carnivalue in the morning and found Ethan James crucified on a light pole in the parking lot, near the front doors. Stenciled on the pavement in what was probably red paint were the words "complaint addressed by corporate."

It's always nice to hear about companies going the extra mile to deal with customer complaints. Miss Kajara may be a newcomer to our community, but it's good to see that she's hopping right into the good ol' Wyrdtown way of doing things.

A note has just materialized here on my desk, and judging from the smell of brimstone and the scratching of ancient glyphs it's fresh from the talons of the Grand Brilliance of the Illuminated Brotherhood stating that though there is a rogue presence of light currently hovering slowly down Grand Avenue, it is in no way, shape, or form affiliated with our favorite band of wacky, menacing, hooded figures who have invited fallen angels to dwell within their hearts.

Citizens are advised to not look into the light, as looking into the light may cause symptoms just as temporary loss of vision, spotted vision, nausea as if by flashing lights, dizziness, permanent loss of vision, the immediate liquefaction of the eyeballs, spontaneous involuntary eye-gouging, and blindness followed by a complete and utter disassociation with the visual sense.

Several tourists were taken to Plagius Memorial after not only being blinded, but having forgotten that they had eyes in the first place, as well as the entire concept of vision. So please, dear listeners. Do not look at the light. Do not go into the light. Do not approach the light. The light burns. The light hates. The light consumes. The light devours. The light. The light. The light. The light. The light.

And now a word from our sponsor…" -WYRD Radio


Uh, so Kal, this is kind of weird for me. I can't actually find you. Attempting to do my usual discorporate into energy and hop right to you thing is not working. Every time I try it, I end up with your minion.

I know you're still there, I can feel you. But for the first time since you fell out of that speckled blue egg of yours, I don't actually hear you. And what's worse is that I'm pretty sure you can't hear me.

For the first time in thirty years I don't have an audience for my stream of consciousness snark, humor, and commentary on life. I don't have your life to commentate on and it's driving me nuts!

It's just not right with Claudia. I'm not sure what went wrong with the whole ritual thing, but she got blasted with enough of my personality to the point where she's making my jokes and quoting my memes before I do half the time!

I'm not sure where you are, what you're doing, and when you're coming back. But you're coming back, so I'm going to be taking notes about stuff that happened while you were gone, so you can get fully caught up when you come back, okay?

So let's start with the minion. You've had me watching Claudia for the past few months just to make sure that she doesn't get into trouble. Well, TECHNICALLY you asked me to make sure she didn't gruesomely devour anyone important. Same thing, really.

Thoughtlets: Guns

From Here

Guns are like the rain -- you can't control them -- so if your roof leaks, the best solution is to get rid of the roof and sit in your living room with a super soaker aimed at the sky.

Thoughtlets: Childhood Innocence

From Here

For many people in prisons, their presence is a result of a rash action or a series of bad choices, for many more it is a result of their adolescence, upbringing, and/or environment.

To almost all people to begin with, children are sacrosanct, but these people in particular, children are innocents who have a chance to make better choices and decisions, and to live a better life than they did.

A person who feels irredeemable will look on children as bright lights in a dark world- they are the essence of hope.

And to sully that innocence, to kill part of the hope of the world, and to darken what little light they see left, is the most gravest of offenses. Only the purely blackhearted could do such a thing, and to those who feel separated from the world by their misdeeds and pasts, that sort of person will be treated as a wild animal dressed in the cloth of humanity, and will be dealt with accordingly.

ULW RingKing, 10/30/15, Kalinda RP 1 of 1

I thought my opinion of my co-workers couldn't sink any lower. That I had finally managed to delve to the deepest, darkest depths of disregard for the rest of ULW. But no, around here when you hit rock bottom on the chart of human stupidity folks don't stop. Folks break out the pick axe and keep fucking digging.

Because it can't be laziness, oh no. You'd think that people would realize by now just how fucking indestructible I am. I've been shot in the face, I've taken shots that would end careers and gotten up minutes later, and just this week I was the victim of an attempted motor vehicular homicide. Well, it would've been one had I been just about anyone else on this silly blue ball of a world.

I shouldn't have to do this. I shouldn't have to come out and remind everybody day in, day out, week after week, month after month that I am a giant magical dragoness from another world. I shouldn't have to smack people about the face and scream in their ears about the fact that I'm different than all the other wrestlers they've ever faced.

I have done everything but stand in the arena with a megaphone, shouting facts about myself into the ears of my would be opponents. But no, despite everything I have ever done no one seems to believe me. They don't believe their eyes when they see a seven foot tall, bright blue, honest-to-goodness fire breathing woman with a tail.

Lich Analogs for All Schools of Magic

From Here

Abjuration - Freeze your body in a bubble of crystalized space-time, interacting telekinetically with everything. You're obviously going to need servants or adventurers to help move your bubble around, since telekinesis won't work on yourself. You could also permanently push your body a few seconds into the future, making yourself physically inaccessible and granting some extra fourth-dimensional perspective.

Conjuration - Bind soul to a demiplane, becoming a sentient structure. Congrats, now the dungeon is you! If you're really good, you could make the entire planet into your very own soul gem.

Divination - Body refuses to age by manipulating random chance, or you divined the location of a fountain of immortality that you must drink from each day. Fits most old sage archetypes, and due to your precarious immortality you may have to send others to get your work done for you. If you're really ambitious, turn yourself into an infectious meme, a demigod of intellect that survives as long as a particular fact, story, or song is known to sentient minds.

ULW's Fucked Up Friday, 10/9/15, Claudia RP 1 of 1

"Ladies and gentlemen, boils and ghouls, inbreds of all stages! Feast your eyes upon the prize; upon a grand and glorious, miraculous marvel to tantalize and titillate even the most snobbish of sourpuss smarks!"

"I bring to you… me! Clauda the Clown, ULW's newest novelty, it's most cutting-edge combatant, it's recentest wrestler! That's totally a word and you will never ever be able to convince me otherwise, ha ha!"

"Yes siree! You all are in for a treat like no other, because I'm nothing like the rest of the roster, oh golly gosh no! See, somebody put out the call umpteen weeks ago looking for interesting peoples! Folks who don't just wander in off the street with a banana hammock, a goofy-ass haircut, a pair of boots, a chip on their shoulder, a tragic backstory, and some serious mental defects."

"Like seriously, y'all motherfuckers need therapy. C-R-A-Z-Y you don't need an alibi, you crazy, ya ya you crazy! And I don't mean crazy like me, which is crazy in an amusing, zany, happy, pleasant, positive way. I mean like sad sacks whose refusal to get treatment makes each and every one of you a total downer to be around. A complete and utter bummer to all the butts in the seats. A party pooper who poops parties presenting proper poop."