DTW DeathTube #2, Kalinda RP 1/1: Weapons-Grade Autism

My first DTW match signed, sealed, and delivered.

Thank the gods! It felt good to wrestle how I'd wanted to, without limitations, without rules, without sanctions put in to take away everything that makes me special, and without motherfucking stage hands in black grabbing all the shit I intended to use to beat the fuck out of people with and spiriting it away to the back.

I'm singing "Grandma Got Run Over By a Dragon," a little tune of my own composition and am folding my ring gear up and putting it in my bag when something is wrapped around my neck and tightened.

Hmm. I think it's barbed wire attached to two wooden handles, which are meant to be crossed over behind my neck and twisted tighter and tighter, either increasing the choke, or breaking my neck.

DTW DeathTube #1, Kalinda RP 1/1: Of Granny Gankings and Girlcocks

For perhaps the first time since being forcibly dragged from my home world to this bland, boring backwater of an uninspired orb-shaped realm (whose creator being is obsessed with beetles), I was actually feeling like I was back home.

Unfortunately it wasn't the "being happily left alone without having to adventure, left to run my tavern/inn/pizza parlor in peace" sort of home-y feeling, but rather the "being dragged to big social gatherings put on by the rich and powerful and competing for silly prizes in any of a thousand various ridiculous dog and pony show events" sort of home-y feeling.

Much to my sorrow the day's festivities lacked my favorite event. I was just as loud and vocal about my displeasures back home as I was when given a microphone and an international television audience, so I had a tendency to piss people off. But alas, no one had challenged me to an honor duel or attempted to kill me.

VK's Pizza Adventures 3

Digiorno Rising Crust 5.5/10
Digiorno Pizzaria Thin 6.5/10
Tony's 5/10

Of all the brands thus far Digiorno is my favorite. Though the Freschetta is cheaper, I thought the Digiorno was more flavorful. The crust is about the same, but the taste is definitely better on the Digiorno. It's still not fantastic, but it's pretty good.

5.5/10

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Despite being listed as thin crust, the Digiorno Pizzaria Pizza I tried wasn't too terribly much thinner than the usual Digiorno offering, but there was something added in this that made it taste quite a lot better. It's the best frozen pizza I've had thus far, and it's only slightly more expensive than the normal offering.

6.5/10

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Tony's

Tony's is a middle of the road cost pizza, and usually one of the cheaper brands, about $2.50 or so usually. It's not too terribly flavorful, and falls into the blandness of most frozen pizzas.

But I really like the way the crust on this one feels. It's thick enough to where there's some heft to it and it's filling, but isn't so thick that you lose the majority of the crunch. If I could get the Digiorno Pizzaria toppings and sauce on this crust it'd probably be my perfect frozen pizza.

5/10

VK's Pizza Adventures 2

Freschetta Rising Crust 5/10
DiGiorno Stuffed Crust 4/10
Losta Mozza 4/10

Out of the three the Freschetta was the best. It looked at tasted pretty much exactly like your bog standard DiGiorno rising crust pizza, but was a dollar cheaper.

It's not the tastiest thing in the world, but I can get 2-3 meals out of one for $5. It's kind of hard to write up something that's pretty "meh," there's no emotion there to channel into the writing with how good or how bad it is.

I'd be hard pressed to bring up the sort of hyperbole that comes with a good or bad pizza with sheer neutrality. I just can't do it.

It's a middle of the road pizza, nothing really to write home about.

5/10

VK's Pizza Adventures 1

Totino's Party Pizza 2/10
Bellatoria Ultra Thin Crust Ultimate Pepperoni 4/10

Cooked one of the little Totino's party pizzas today along with a Bellatoria Ultra Thin Crust, both the usual Pepperoni.

The only positive thing I have to say about the Totino's is that is isn't near as horrible as I remember it. It's pretty awful, very bland, no real pepperoni flavor from the light dusting of itty bitty pepperoni cubes, had to be literally scraped off my oven rack, and has a tendency to fall apart while I'm picking it up and eating it.

It's edible and cheap, and I can see somebody who is worse off then me getting them so they have an affordable reminder of the glory that is a proper pizza.

VK's Pizza Notes vol. 1

VK's are not terribly fond of Provolone on pizza. Stick with straight mozzarella.

10 minutes on 550 for the introductory crust worked well, slightly more lead to burned spots, though. Get off your butt and get it out of the oven.

13 minutes at 500 blackened the deli pepperonis, but it doesn't matter because they still taste good.

Do NOT get big bags of cheese at Sam's Club anymore. By the time you want to make pizza again it gets all gross.

Spices go in the sauce, try leaving them out of the crust next time so your doggy can enjoy them being garlic free. Because you're sure as hell not eating them.

UWA Outbreak #10, Kalinda RP 1/1: Of Upper Deckers and Poo-filled Purses

I've just spent the last half hour unloading my thoughts, feelings, and frustrations out on the table. Giving voice to all the problems I'm having in my life. I'm being employed by a professional wrestling company that refuses to treat me like a legitimate professional wrestler, rather than a big blue stage prop. A springboard for other peoples' careers.

If you had a list of traits to give the ultimate professional wrestler, strength, agility, durability, charisma, presence, a unique look, a keen wit, and so on and so forth ad nasuem, I'd check all the boxes.

But instead of having a massive seven foot tall woman for whom running the ropes does not mean bouncing back and forth, but running atop them like some kind of circus acrobat as the center of their product identity, instead my employer has decided to ignore me, and instead always focus on whomever I'm facing.

I'm the most unique wrestler on their roster, and three quarters of the time I'm just thrown into some random match without rhyme or reason. You'd think folks would be falling all over themselves to put somebody so unique and so popular with the fans in big time marquee matchups that the fans have been clamoring to see.

But nope. On the biggest wrestling show of the year I'm treated like leftovers. A meaningless match with a man in the twilight of his career who agrees that it's a meaningless match, that I'm going to kick his ass, and he doesn't understand why we've been put in the position we were by management.